How to find Love - Chapter 4 - Pizzalove101

Friends, readers, disgruntled past love interests - welcome. This week has been one for the books, we’ve launched two new print collections, survived lockdown level 3, a tsunami warning and some very moody weather. It’s been one of those weeks that I have personally thrived in - call me weird but a forced lockdown does a lot for my productivity. Although productivity is not the theme of this week's chapter, no - the theme of this week's chapter is 11 year olds who do everything they can to get him to notice…welcome to the sacred chapters which are my intermediate experience. 

I was sitting at the kitchen table, it was early in February, the sun was streaming in and hitting our floral orange wallpaper just enough to make it feel glorious. My socks were perfectly placed, starting two fingers below the knee, stark white and the faint smell of shoe shine could still be found following my every step. I had a good feeling about this school, I had shed myself of B1 and B2, this was to be my year. My siblings were just starting to stir from their slumber as I made my way to the shed, and pulled out my glorious bike. Yip to add to my already bleak self esteem and body issues - I was now that girl that biked to school. But I wasn’t alone, we had a pack, shoutout to Kelsey and Terriann. Weren’t they simpler days.

It was on that same day, the first day, that I spotted him. I mean it wasn’t hard as we lined up in front of the building, Kelsey next to me, both happy to have been put in the same class. Room 9, what a time. He had a dimpled smile and noticeably soft hair. I should note the shade was a warm brown, far from the orange of yesteryear. One of our first class activities was to make these posters about who we were, it had our birthdays on them. I made a mental note of his and still haven’t forgotten it. We’ve been over this though, I had a crazy good memory. Although not good enough to remember how to spell Kelsey, as my poster hung the whole year claiming Kesley as my best friend - I digress. 

I called him pizzalove101, that was also my msn password for about three years. It was a thing in my friend circle to use food as code words, certain boys were rice, tomato sauce, chicken, butter chicken even. I think it was an attempt to fool our mothers. The love part is obvious. The 101 - that was just my thing, you’ll see the pattern emerge. Nickname or not, I thought he was the coolest. 

And as any 11 year old would, I devised a plan much like the plan I had with B1 and B2. Proximity - just be there. Being there was in fact my middle name. If he played handball, so did I. He signed up for rugby sevens, so did I. He wanted tuckshop food, well what do you know, so did I. Pizzalove101, if you’re reading this right now and you faintly remember an over ambitious girl with crazy hair following you around everywhere - I apologise. I was just trying to flirt.

This year was also around the same time I started to write letters to my crushes. I’d get home and hurriedly recount the day, what he looked like, if we had spoken, if he had won another game of handball, as if he hadn’t also experienced it. I wrote these notes on tiny bits of paper, folded them hundreds of times and then put them in a box labelled “DO NOT READ UNLESS YOUR PIZZALOVE101” Does this sound like a plot to a highly popular Netflix movie? - Well I am pretty sure that is based on my life, apart from the part where the guy is into it. 

The biggest move yet came nearer the end of the year, my approach had been consistent but not yet fruitful. Our teacher had decided to rearrange our class again and I found myself blessed by none other than coincidence. We were in four desk pods, Kelsey was to my right and pizza directly in front of me, his class bestie to his left. I mean come on, the stars were aligning, this was meant to be. I didn’t even have to do anything to get to see his smile everyday. And I should’ve stopped it there, I should have taken a note from random coincidence and let that deal with my pursuit of his affection but I did not. I really did not. 

Secret Santa, my demise. We all pulled names out of the hat, you know how it works. Kelsey went before me and shot me a look I'll never forget. She had pulled out Pizza. Lunchtime came around and, throwing random coincidence to the side I begged her to switch names with me. She obliged.

I got to work on my genius plan, what was the perfect gift for this perfect boy. I could be spotted four days later biking to school with a full mirror length box balanced on my handlebars. Did my gift specifically say “hey I like you” no it didn’t but was it the logical conclusion, yes. I had decided the best idea was to take this box, add a full length Hannah Montana poster to the front and fill it with my favourite things. Yip you’ve got it, I gave him all of my favourite things. I was giving him a chance to get it right come my birthday just after christmas. I scribbled his name all over the other side of this box and drew little doodles of the memories we had together. When it came time to open it, he finally lived up to his nickname as his face turned as red as pizza sauce itself. It seemed I was making boys blush a habit. 

I think unlike a lot of cringe things I did back then, I realised my error in my gift choice almost instantly. He said it to my face “too far Emma.” His dimples weren’t on show as he picked up his school bag and headed for the bus. I, speechless, stared back at the Hannah Montana box staring at me begging to be plucked from the bin. I couldn’t let it go to waste so I rode home that day, tears sliding down my cheeks, once more balancing the box that was supposed to be the best gift I'd ever given.  

I went home and got the boxes of letters and burned them. After a whole year of close proximity and handball practice my love for pizzalove101 had come to an oddly therapeutic end. Until next week - 

Unapologetically,

Emma